Why is my generation so fickle when it comes to relationships? Nothing is clear any more in DATEWORLD and there are a thousand phrases and meanings you have to decipher for all the scenarios in which two people can be romantically involved. This dating code is interpreted differently depending on who you’re talking to. For instance, “seeing” someone can vary from going on actual dates with a person with the prospect of a relationship, to casually sleeping with someone on a regular basis, either a friend or a relative stranger, (but you mustn’t mention the b/g words because that’s not what this is) Urban dictionary defines “seeing each other” as, “all the fun of having a boyfriend/girlfriend but no change to Facebook relationship status.” No-one actually talks about feelings or the future any more, but why? Are we really that unsure about our futures as individuals or are we so scared of rejection that we can’t even bear to put ourselves out there enough to be rejected any more? Pressures of a relationship are too much when we’re not even sure what we want to do with our own lives, let alone someone else’s, no matter how special or important they seem. I read somewhere that people need to be more like boners when dating; in that, a boner is out there, you can’t miss it, it’s confident, it’s vulnerable and it’s poking you in the leg.
I have dated/seen/courted/had sex with/been mutually interested in, (whatever you want to call it) a lot of men in the past, and have, inevitably, “broken up” with them all. How is this even possible? (Not questioning the ‘why has this happened to me because I am oh so fucking hilarious and alright looking on a good day’) but how is it possible to break up with/dump/screw over/leave high and dry or finish with someone you weren’t even together with in the first place?! You have to go through all the sad “oh that person’s not here anymore” without the happy “oh that person’s here” to start with. There is so much social anxiety surrounding these non-relationships, especially because in many cases, there are more than just two people involved. You can’t discount the multitude of friends and relatives that weigh in on your current situation, and while their opinions may be valued, they all muddy your thoughts and ideals of what the relationship is/where it’s going. Although it is much easier to share doubts and scrutinise texts with friends we all know that, in fact, you should be talking directly to the other person. Not for nothing, social media also has a large hand in anxiety surrounding your ‘thing’, with Facebook asking you to choose a relationship status nearly every time you open the damn page, and new dating apps popping up all the time. Yes, Tinder, I’m looking at you. I’m sure we’re all aware of this trendy app now, hell, even VICE writes about it, basically it’s the shallowest thing in the world and I love it. Although that may be part of the problem; being able to look at hundreds of people and decide if they’re ‘hot or not’ within a split second and a swipe opens up so many more possibilities for new romances; assuming that you “match” with them, thereby negating the use for a steady relationship because why have one stale relationship when you can have many, fresh new ones?
Dating is really hard. Trying not to unleash all the crazy too soon, finding someone who finds you funny, and meeting someone you think is mildly attractive who thinks you’re mildly attractive too is near enough impossible, let alone all the power play and games that are thrown into the mix. The optimist in me likes to think that even though dating is superficial it doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful. We just need to stop trying to fit our ideals of romance into this box that Disney and Sex and The City have carved for us and realise that relationships can still be surprising and that analysing everything is futile. People need to cut the bullshit and just be honest. If you don’t know what the fuck you want, great, let me know. If you do, also great, let me know that. But we need to stop fucking each other around behind the curtain that we’re “unsure” because we’re not unsure, we’re just lazy and afraid of rejection. As I have learned, even if it doesn’t work out it might make a great story that you can laugh about later.
1001 Ways to Lose a Man 